The big picture!

I completely forgot to show where in Japan I live. You all know my mansion, but you have no idea where Kamojima is. Below is a precise map.

The balcony

Remember I said I have a washing machine. Well, here it is...On the balcony. And the drier is over...wait, there are no driers here. That would be the clothes line. Which is fine (and conserves energy) unless it is winter when it's cold or June when it is rain season and your clothes don't dry (You have to take them to dry at the laundromat). From the balcony, there's also a nice relaxing view of the landlord's house or a parking lot.

Transformer

Now let me introduce my transformer room. It is wonderful as it serves so many purposes.

12:00 p.m. - 4:59 p.m. : the guest room.
5:00 p.m. - 6:59 p.m. : the dining room.
7:00 p.m. - 10:59 p.m. : the family room.
11:00 p.m. - 11:59 a.m. : the bedroom. (sometimes later on weekends)

It consists of a kotatsu table, a desk and chair, a clothes closet with storage above, a little wooden shelf with a small POS T.V. that I never use, and my futon.

(By the way, that chair 'cover' that was left to me is now in the burnable trash)

The Pantry

Off from the kitchen is a little door. Is it a pantry? Nope. It's the bathroom of course. Watch the elbows. It is terrible if there are people over and you have to use the toilet. Why? Because you have to shut the door and once you do that, it's like squeezing a sumo wrestler into a Geo. You have to take vaseline in just incase you get stuck trying to get out. There is also a mini shower in there.

The Kitch

Let's start with the first room when you enter the house.
First the genkan where you take off your shoes. Next is the kitchen. As you can see, it's every woman's dream. I have A gas burner. The food must be prepared on the table. The dishes go on a bookshelf because both of the cupboards are taken. One with tupperware and one with dry food. In addition, I have an oompa loompa size fridge. The mini microwave on top also serves as an oven. That's about it for the kitchen. If Martha Stewart is reading this, I'm sure she'll now never move to Japan.

Paradise

I just realized I've been divulging all this information and haven't even invited you into my home. Well, I think it's time. The town I am in has about 24,997 Japanese people and 3 foreigners. My apartment is pretty big so I will have to split up each room into a separate blog entry each day of the week. Today will be the outside of my house.

As you can see, it is painted in a very attractive orange color. I'm thinking of painting my house in Salt Lake the same color. The best part about living here is if I have to give anybody directions to my house, I tell them to just look for the big ugly orange building and they find it every time. It is about a 5-7 minute walk to the train station, a 5-7 minute walk to the grocery store, and about 5-10 minutes (depending on how much sleep I got) by bike to my schools. There is also a great ramen shop right next door. Across the street is where I get my haircut and there's also a laundromat next to that. That's about it for the outside. Stay tuned for details on the inside of this mansion.

More Soba

On my bike ride to school today guess what song was stuck in my head

THE DAMN SOBA SONG

What's that I hear?

In September, we were having a typhoon. Not a peep was outside, but I heard this blaring sound coming down the street. I thought it was a typhoon warning or something. Nope. It was the damn soba truck.

Whether sun, rain, sleet, or typhoon, the soba truck will cometh. If there's something I can count on, it's that the Soba truck will be coming down the street Sunday night at 7:00.

The U.S. has ice cream trucks. Japan has soba trucks.

The truck drives super slow and plays a really loud annoying song. It sounds like a first grader wrote this song for a talent show......and got a tomato thrown at them while playing it.

This soba truck sells bowls of soba noodles for your pleasure. I've never seen somebody actually buy noodles from him. I kind of feel bad and have been tempted to buy a bowl, but I don't want to encourage the guy to drive down my street anymore. There's only so much soba music an individual can take. And the worst part is, at the most random times of the day, the damn soba song will get stuck in your head.

The driver was probably convicted of a felony and they let him choose prison or driving the soba truck for the rest of his life. Dude made the wrong decision.

(Click below to see the infamous truck)

Looks like doodie

Whenever somebody in Japan goes on vacation, an unwritten / polite rule is that they buy omiyage (souvenir) for everybody at work. It is usually food individually wrapped with the place it's from written on the package. One piece is placed on each person's desk, usually in the morning. This can get quite expensive if you travel often. It's at least $20 or more per trip for teachers and adult conversation class. I have learned not to advertise my trips. Instead, my weekend vacation to Osaka becomes a weekend 'vacation' in front of the TV.

Today I got some omiyage on my desk. Remember happy poo from a few entries back? Well, this omiyage looked like his close relative, without the smile.

April Fever

It is April. And April only means one thing. Baseball!!! Fortunately, it also means the same thing in Japan. Therefore, we took a weekend trip to Osaka to watch the weekend series between the two most popular teams in Japan: The Hanshien Tigers vs. The Yomuri (Tokyo) Giants. If the subject of baseball comes up, you will most likely get asked, "Like Tigers or Giants?"


Everybody in the stands has plastic bats they hit together so we decided to pick some up. They aren't short of merchandise vendors outside the stadium. Inside, just about everybody is wearing a jersey, even the little kids. Imagine a college football atmosphere without letter painted bare chests and more organized. There is one guy in the front with a bass drum and higher up are two trumpet players. Then in the front of each section is the section's cheering 'ring leader'. They sing, root, cheer, and hit their plastic bats in unison the entire time their team is up to bat. If you are a better player, they make a song for you and sing it over and over every time you get up to bat. Also, beer, kids and plastic bats do not mix. If you're not getting hit in the noggin by a kid, it will be a drunk guy. Then during the middle of the 7th inning, they all blow up big, long balloons and wave them to a cheesy song. After the song is over they let the balloons go and they fly all over the place. Needless to say, it was a blast and the 4 runs in the bottom of the 12th was a good way to end the game.
It was also interesting to note: no peanuts (YAY), no crackerjacks (YAY), no hot dogs (BOO). Instead, Grilled Squid (Boo), Skewered chicken (YUM), and yakisoba. They also don't care if you bring food and beer into the stadium from home. Good news for those of us (Hong family) that jam pack our pockets (and extra large purses) when going to events and movies. In fact, in good Asian fashion, some people had tupperware with home cooked food and vegetables in it. (Although if it was our family, it would be cottage cheese and sour cream containers instead of tupperware)

Also in Osaka, we visited Himeiji Castle, which is voted best castle in Japan, and visited a pretty cool aquarium. Then ate supermarket sushi and bread (Japan has tons of bakeries) on the 2-1/2 hour bus ride home.

Pimp Masta!

Ok, I found the REAL lady killer in Japan. I didn't actually meet him but I saw his car in a Udon shop parking lot and that was enough. It put my automobile to shame. The guy is smooth. Because there's only 1 seat, his lady friend only has one place to sit.....

End of Korea

Day 3:
First we went to see the ‘Blue House’. This is where the head honcho of South Korea lives. It’s the equivalent of The U.S.’s White House. There were police everywhere. Particularly interesting were the ones in booths in the middle of the street. We definitely didn’t see this many police officers in D.C. near the White House. Perhaps because it wouldn’t be very detrimental if something were to happen to the current resident of the White House.




After that we went to a huge palace that was very amazing, right behind The Blue House. The palaces in Korea consist of a very large area of land you walk around with many different buildings. You don’t actually go in the buildings, but walk around them and maybe peek inside.

When we finished the palace, it started raining really hard so we took a taxi to the farthest tourist attraction from where we were (about 30 minutes in traffic). I feel bad for the cabbie because wet clothes and 4 wet guys isn’t the freshest smell in the world. We got out and saw the East gate of the city. Originally there were 15 gates and a wall built around Seoul, but GUESS WHO burned down / destroyed the wall and all but 2 gates (either they ran out of matches or wanted to rub it in their face that their two gates were no good without a wall). This was also a huge shopping district so we went in some big buildings with 8+ levels of wall to wall shops….mostly clothing….and most of the clothing was women’s clothing. After this we went to dinner at a very famous Korean BBQ restaurant that was very good. After dinner we headed back to Korea Tijuana Town to look around.


Day 4:

Left for airport around 8:00 a.m. On the way back to the airport, our full size bus was weaving through very heavy traffic. At one point, the driver cut through some cones onto an onramp which merged about 100 feet later just to pass 2 cars. This guy would make millions driving in Nascar.

Just South of North Korea

Last week 4 of us took a little swim across the ocean to South Korea. We got there around 5:30 p.m. and a van took us to our room about 1-1/2 hours away. The traffic was God awful. Everybody in their little Kia’s and Hyundai’s drive like mad. And you’ve gotta look out for the Daewoo buses. It was a near death experience every time we hit the streets.

Luckily these automobile thrills were cheap. A 5 minute taxi ride in the city costs $2. A 25 minute ride on the freeway cost us $4 a person.

We were there for 4 days, 3 nights. Here are the first 2 days:

Day 1:
Barely survived the ride from the airport. Ate some good Korean nabe (boiled beef then wrapped in lettuce with rice balls) and kimchii. Then we checked into our hotel and went out for a few drinks. Our hotel's name was: Gang Hang Hotel (there are just too many jokes you can do with that name so I’ll leave it alone)

Day 2:
Our trip to Korea included a 1 day guided tour on a van with a family of 4. Only one problem with the tour, it was all in Japanese. The tour guide was also very organized as well. Good thing I brought the tour itinerary since she left hers at home and didn’t know where we were going. First we had breakfast, which was clear Korean noodles and kimchii. Next, we went to visit a palace which was closed on Tuesdays (and ironically it was Tuesday that day) so we took pictures around it. Then we went to another palace and lucky for us, we got to join a 1-1/2 hour tour in Japanese. We just wandered off taking pictures and every so often getting told to hurry back with the group by some Korean guard dude. There are a few palaces in the city and they are all really neat. The one thing they all have in common is at some point in time, they were burned down at least once by the Japanese. I didn’t realize how much of pyromaniacs the Japanese were until I visited Seoul. If it was burnable, the Japanese lit it on fire. Now in Korea, a Japanese person caught with a match has to do 10 – 20 years…. a Bic lighter is life. While wandering around the palace grounds, we found a few Japanese people hiding in corners rubbing sticks together.


Then we went to lunch and ate some bibimbap. After that we went shopping for a little bit in this area I like to call Korea’s Little Tiajuana. There were all these small shops w/ rip off brand goods for sell and little shop owners you could haggle with.



After that we went to a Korea History museum. It was interesting. Then we went to another smaller palace. After that we ate more Korea BBQ which was good.

Then we headed back to the hotel and our tour was over. While we were on the tour, we eyeballed a few Outback steakhouses (which there are 0 of in Japan). Steak?!?! So that night we went back into the heart of the city with one goal: Outback. The food was SO Good! Honestly, they could’ve fed me meat from a cow that died at 91 from old age and wasn’t found until 10 days after its death, and it still would’ve tasted like the best god damn steak ever. It has been so long since I had a steak and baked potato. Hell, I was at the point where I’d eat Mad Cow.

I'm not dead.

Just a quick update. I just got home from South Korea and Kyoto. Will write more later but I need sleep now.

Peace

Big Boys

One of the great things about Japan is the ramen shops on every corner. The drawback is that it's a little unhealthy for you. If you don't watch yourself, you can gain quite a few pounds real quickly. Today I looked in the mirror and realized I have let myself go too far. I'm ashamed but took a picture to share with you all.



I know it's hard to tell because of my superb Photoshop skills, but that picture isn't real. It was taken last weekend in Osaka when we went to watch one of the 6 yearly Sumo tournaments in Japan. It is really fun and interesting to watch. They are two week round robin tournaments where the fighter with the best win/loss record at the end of the tourney wins.

I also learned a lot about sumo. Many interesting things I didn't know. The most difficult maneuver to pull off is shown below on the left. It's called 'the ojisan'. It's when you pull up on the sumo's mawashi (like a big diaper/belt) and give him a wedgie until he surrenders by saying "ojisan!" which translates to "uncle!"

Ladies, there's enough to go around.

One of my adult conversation class students was nice enough to let me borrow her car for a couple of months. I soon found out this was the missing piece to my love life and finding my true soul mate. As soon as I sat in the driver's seat, I was throwing ladies left and right off my car. This car instantly turns geeks into hunks. This chick magnet is what every single guy needs. The ladies are instantly brought to their knees. They love every inch of this 6 foot car. Watch out Japan, there's a new pimp in town.

News Flash

So this is for the record and an update to all. I circled a little option and signed my name on a piece of paper last month. The option that was circled basically said "We, the Japanese people, have you under our control for another year". So for those of you that don't like me, that's the good news. The bad news is, I'll probably be coming back to visit in August.

After signing the paper, I hopped on my baby elephant and rode around carefree no longer having to stress about whether i should stay another year or not.

Happy Doo Doo

Everything is happy and cute in Japan. Everything! Even their poop. And even their doo doo that is suffocating in plastic bags.

V-DAY!

Happy Late Valentines Day Ladies.

Things work a little different in Japan on Valentine's Day. The girls do all the work (that sentence will never get old. JOKE LADIES, JOKE!). The girls give chocolate to the boys and all the boys have to do is eat it. So in a sense, they are fattening them up for the kill. This is one tradition the U.S. should definitely adopt.

There is one drawback guys. March 14th is White Day. Apparently the guys are supposed to give girls chocolate on that day. But we still have an advantage. We can raid the supermarket on February 15th and get all the left over valentines chocolate for White Day presents at 80% off. The only problem is, I already ate all the chocolate I bought on sale. Oops.

Below are my valentine gifts.
Good news: Lots of candy and uh, is that instant coffee?!
Bad news: They're mostly from old Japanese women

I'm a baaaad blogger

So I was contacted by a social worker named Jill last night for neglecting my baby blog and treating it like a red headed step child. All I had was a few sips of sake, a couple of beers, and look where my life has gone. It has come to a social worker getting my life back on track. So I'm hear to say I'm back.

And this proves I mean it. Last night I was sitting under my kotatsu writing a blog entry when... I accidentally fell asleep for the night. I woke up and held my head in shame...just like Robert Downey Jr. throwing away another chance.

So for those of you that don't know about it, let me tell you about this little genius, devil of an invention...the kotatsu (which should translate into 'ambition killer'). It is a coffee table and in the winter you put a blanket between the table legs and the top surface. Under the table is a heater that you turn on and put your legs under. Once your legs are under, forget about moving until you have to go to work in the morning. It makes getting up to go to the bathroom an unwanted chore. I might invest in a catheter.